


the heart's enormous

by stationlittle



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-06 21:10:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12219036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stationlittle/pseuds/stationlittle
Summary: They manage to save Kaidan seconds before the bomb goes off.





	the heart's enormous

**Author's Note:**

> For @ezrisdax, who deserve ALL GOOD THINGS <3  
> Thank you @bardofheartdive for the beta!!!  
> Title from Fairy Tales by Shu Ting

She wanted nothing more than put her head on his chest, the way she did two days ago as they laid on the hotel bed after sex. The setting was different this time. She was in the Normandy's medbay and he wasn't just "lying" on the bed, he had gotten severely hurt. They had managed to find him and take him back to the ship a few seconds before the bomb went off. A matter of seconds, that's what it came down to.

As Shepard patted her shoulder, she felt profound gratitude for her C.O.

Not everyone would have risked it but Shepard did. Ashley could only imagined what would have happened if they hadn't come back. Kaidan's funeral. Her trying not to cry in front of her superiors. Kaidan's family staring at them, probably thinking he had died because of them.

And then his absence at her side, his lack of future.

It would have been too much to bear.

"Are you alright?" Shepard asked her.

"Yes, skipper. Just thinking about what could have happened."

"Thinking about what ifs is not a good idea," Shepard said.

Ashley nodded. True enough.

"But I get it. I think about them all the time."

Ashley turned to her, surprised. "You do?"

"Yeah. I wonder what would have happened on Mindoir if we had been alerted before the raid. I think that maybe... Everyone would have been saved. Mom, dad. My sister. But then again, maybe not."

Shepard sighed. "Sometimes we're lucky, sometimes we're not. We got lucky today."

"It wasn't all luck. You saved him."

"We did it, Ash. We. Don't count yourself out."

She remembered telling Shepard they had to save him. They had to come back. Was she screaming at the time? She didn't know. It happened so fast.

Shepard patted her on the shoulder one last time before leaving, looking lost in her own thoughts. When Chakwas came back from the mess with a plate for her a few minutes later, Ashley was still staring at Kaidan's sleeping form.

"There you go. Nothing fancy but good enough to get some much needed energy."

"Thanks, doc."

She ate in silence, Chakwas nearby but focused on paperwork. Kaidan didn't move, not even once, but he was alive. He was breathing.

They were okay now. They were fine. She breathed a sigh of relief.

 

She didn't mean to fall asleep but she did. She woke up around 3AM. A quick look around told her Chakwas was sleeping at her desk, drooling on her papers, and Kaidan was still not moving. She almost smiled. What a sight they would be to anyone entering the room. If Joker was there, he would mock them for sure.

Probably would tell her she looked like shit too, which would be true.

She couldn't stay awake. Her eyes were slowly closing - she was so damn tired! - when she heard something. A moan, coming from the bed next to her.

That immediately made her pay attention. She turned to look at Kaidan. He was no longer sleeping but staring at her in confusion.

"Oh my God, you're awake!"

He blinked. Tried to speak but couldn't.

"What is it?" she said, moving closer to hear him.

"Water," he whispered, with great effort.

"I got you, LT."

She rose and came back a minute later with a glass full. He tried to sit on the bed but couldn't. She helped him. It was no trouble at all but he still looked apologetic, as if he had asked her some immense task.

"Here," she said, giving him the glass.

"Thanks," he replied before drinking. Still a whisper.

She felt such fondness for him. It was hard not to hug him but he looked so fragile. Too fragile to be desperately hugged by her.

He noticed her staring and gave her a quizzical look.

"What?"

"Nothing, LT. Just glad you're alive."

He put the glass back on the table near his bed. She slowly reached for his hand and intertwined it with hers.

That surprised him. She rarely touched him like this "in public". First, she only felt comfortable being affectionate when they were alone - truly alone - and second, anyone could see them and report them to the Alliance.

He knew this, which was why what she was doing was deeply unusual. Some terrible event must have occurred for her to let go of her usual worries. She could see him thinking hard.

"What happened Ash?" he asked.

Or maybe he noticed her red eyes, tears that were about to fall on her face. Stupid, she thought. She shouldn't cry.

"You got knocked down. We came back for you before the bomb went off."

"Right," he said slowly. "Virmire. The bomb."

She let him digest the information. He didn't seem that shocked but definitely disturbed. She wondered if he thought he would never wake up.

"How long have I been out?" he asked.

"Since yesterday. Chakwas has been monitoring you nonstop. I should wake her up."

He stopped her with one hand. "No. Let her sleep."

"Are you sure? She probably needs to examine you."

"I'm fine. For now. She can examine me in the morning."

"Alright," Ashley replied, unsure.

"What about everyone else? Are they all alright?"

She nodded. "Yes. Everyone is fine."

He didn't say anything for a while but she knew what was coming.

"You took a huge risk coming back for me."

Yep, there it was. He couldn't stop myself.

She sighed. She could lie and say it had all been a walk in the park but she wouldn't deny the gravity of the situation. They had risked it all, and it had been worth it.

"We believed it was the right thing to do."

He shook his head. "I almost killed you all."

"You didn't. Besides, we all wanted to come back. Not just me, trust me."

"But that's-"

"Kaidan. I don't regret coming back for you. I'll never regret it."

Her tone wasn't angry, no, but it was one that didn't ask for a rebuttal. She added, softly, "You would have done the same for me."

That seemed to work because he knew it was the truth. He would do anything for her.

"I just don't want..."

"I know what you want," she said. "But we're alright. Trust me, please."

She was still holding his hand. She raised it to her lips and gave it a kiss.

"To make you feel better," she said, a mischievous grin on her face.

For the first time since he woke up, he smiled. Then he winced.

"Ouch," he said, clutching his ribs.

"You big baby!"

He rolled his eyes at her words.

"Come on," she said. "You'll be more comfortable if you lie down again."

She helped him reposition himself. While she was moving him, he muttered something. She almost didn't hear him.

"I was so scared."

She stopped. It was all loud in her head, suddenly. Yes, she had been screaming. We need to come back. _Please, please, please. We need to save him._

That's when Shepard had given the order to find Kaidan.

"I was scared too, LT. Really scared. I thought I would lose you."

This time, the tears did come but it was a relief in the end, a relief to let go. To let herself cry, because she knew he wouldn't judge her. He never had.

Always been there at her side, even when she was a pain or when he didn't agree with her.... _And she almost lost him._

"But you came back for me," he said, his hand on her cheek, no doubt touching the wetness of her tears. "You came back for me."

She did.


End file.
